


Kill The DJ

by occultclysms



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Blood, Crying, Death, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Humor, Love Confessions, M/M, Murder, WayV Princesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27286285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/occultclysms/pseuds/occultclysms
Summary: Due to Yukhei's girlfriend, Nayeon, Sicheng finds himself dressed as Cinderella on Halloween night. They're all going to a party at Theta Chi, and Sicheng is excited for the night to come, not knowing just how horribly the night will go.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Huang Ren Jun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 14
Collections: Winwin's Witching Hour





	Kill The DJ

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to sav, my love for beta-ing this mwah mwah i love you
> 
> this fic contains some Heavy themes, so please please double check the tags and if i missed one let me know through cc/dms/comments (contact in the end notes). this stemmed from the green day song, kill the dj, but is almost nothing like it. 
> 
> anyway, happy birthday to me lol and happy halloween to all, i hope you enjoy this fic <3

“Hello homos,” Nayeon greets, bursting into Ten’s dorm room with no regard for knocking. Sicheng can see what Yukhei likes so much about her. “And Dejun.”

“Yes, our token straight boy,” Ten says, reaching over to ruffle Dejun’s hair, who whines at the touch. The seven of them are sprawled on the floor, either on their phones or doing homework. Well, Kunhang is the only one actually doing his homework; Kun was working on an assignment, but then he got distracted by Yangyang and is now curled up with him on a bean bag chair.

Ten’s dorm is the only one that can fit them all, so while Sicheng is Ten’s roommate, it’s more like he’s a guest in his dorm half of the time. Ten throws parties and doesn’t give Sicheng more than a few hours’ notice, and it’s not like any of his friends aren’t going to be there, so he just sucks it up, drinks punch in the corner, and people-watches.

“Anyway,” Nayeon begins, seating herself on Yukhei’s lap like there isn’t space on the couch for both of them. “Halloween is coming up in a few weeks and I want to wear matching costumes with Yukhei. I don’t think any of you already picked something out, so I can just steal him away if you want.”

“No no, I want to see what you force him to wear,” Kun chimes in, Yukhei turning pale.

“What do you mean force?” Yukhei asks, looking between Kun and Nayeon nervously.

“I’m just saying that I’m gonna pick something and you get to wear something related to that. Kun acknowledges that you probably won’t love what I pick, but I have better taste, so you should just trust me,” Nayeon explains, booping Yukhei’s cheek. Sicheng bites his tongue. Honestly, Nayeon shouldn’t force Yukhei to wear something he doesn’t want to, but Sicheng also knows Yukhei and how he’ll dress as literally anything if it means banging Nayeon.

They’re dating, but Nayeon isn’t nearly as much of a horndog as Yukhei, so he takes what he can get. How does Sicheng know this? Yukhei is very vocal about this issue of his, but Sicheng honestly could not care less if Yukhei is having sex or not because he genuinely doesn’t give a fuck. Sorry not sorry, Yukhei.

“What were you thinking about being?” Kunhang asks.

“Thank you for asking. I want to be Anna from Frozen,” Nayeon replies. Everyone gives their approval because honestly, Nayeon would make a great Anna. Similar hair color, same facial structure, etc. Sicheng may be gay, but he knows a pretty woman when he sees one.

“Great, I’ll be Kristoff then,” Yukhei says, sounding utterly relieved that this wasn’t a repeat of last year. Last year Yukhei dressed up as a sexy nun and it was quite funny to Sicheng to see Yukhei dressed like that, but oh boy did Yukhei whine about it. Nayeon didn’t even try to match Yukhei’s sexy nun costume; she went as someone from the 80s, and Sicheng has to admit he respects that decision quite a bit.

“See, I knew you would say that,” Nayeon starts. Sicheng puts his phone down and watches her expression carefully. This is going to be good, he just knows it. “But I wanted you to be Elsa.”

“I think Yukhei would make a beautiful Elsa,” Sicheng chimes in and Yukhei shoots him a death glare, but Sicheng doesn’t care.

“I’m glad you agree,” Nayeon chirps.

“Okay, normally I’m all for embarrassing Yukhei, but aren’t they literally sisters?” Yangyang asks and Kun shushes him. “Don’t shush me, I’m right.”

“That is a fair point, Yangie, but I think it would be cuter that way,” Nayeon defends. “Right, Yukhei?” Yukhei nods and Sicheng has to bite the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from laughing. Then Yukhei’s expression changes to something that can only be described as evil. Sicheng feels his stomach sink, Yukhei doesn’t normally use Nayeon for fucking with everyone, but occasionally that’s what happens, and it seems like today is one of those rare days.

“Guys, wouldn’t it be fun if we all went as princesses?” Yukhei asks and Nayeon cheers. Mostly everyone looks a little nervous except for Dejun because while he’s the token straight boy, he’s also the one that does drag most often, and he’s honestly quite good at it.

“That’s a great idea,” Nayeon agrees. “What do you guys think?” Nayeon doesn’t hold the power of sex over the group’s head, but she’s scary enough as is, so everyone just nods along. Besides, they’re only going to their friend’s Halloween party. It’ll be a bunch of queer kids, so it’s not like they’ll be the only people in drag.

“Sounds wonderful,” Dejun says. “I call Jasmine.” From there everyone divvies up the remaining princesses. Sicheng picks Cinderella because he likes her dress the most and her wig seems the least itchy.

In the end, Kun is Snow White, Kunhang is Rapunzel, Yangyang is Ariel, and Ten is Alice even though she’s technically not a princess. Nayeon insists they order costumes right then and there so they can’t get out of it, which Sicheng admits is pretty smart of her.

Costumes are scheduled to arrive by the twenty-second, and once that’s settled, they order a pizza; what else do college students eat? Sicheng isn’t a huge pizza person himself, he thinks it’s far too greasy, but he’s learned to enjoy vegetable and Hawaiian pizzas, despite those not being popular flavors among everyone else. Yangyang loves Hawaiian more than anything else and Ten is vegetarian, which means that even if no one else likes them, Sicheng gets pizza he likes.

Once the food arrives, Sicheng grabs two slices, slips back into his room, and puts on a Netflix show for himself. He can hear everyone arguing about what movie to watch in the other room, but no one seems to notice that he leaves. It’s for the best honestly; he can only take so much socializing at one time.

Sicheng didn’t even sign up for these guys as his friends. He’s in his junior year and didn’t want to live in dorms anymore, and Ten was looking for a roommate. Besides being mostly queer, the group is all Chinese except for Nayeon who’s Korean, so it’s nice to have people that are relatable in that sense. Sicheng enjoys drawing and prefers British shows to anything else, but no one ever asks about that or lets him pick stuff.

It is what it is. That’s what Sicheng’s mom would tell him as a kid, even though it’s the most meaningless phrase ever conceived in the English language. Of course something is what it is; no one is telling a chair it isn’t a chair. Though Yangyang would absolutely try to convince Ten that chairs are now being called pillows because it’s trendy. Doesn’t make the chair not a chair though.

Anyway, enough thinking like that. All that matters right now is pizza and the Great British Baking Show. Sicheng could write an entire essay on why British people’s feelings on the Great British Baking Show are funnier than any other person reviewing the show, but sadly, no one would read that, so it will live on in Sicheng’s mind.

Two hours later, Sicheng is conked out in bed with his laptop and no blanket on him. No one comes in and tucks him in, but no one has ever done that so it would be weird for them to start now.

* * *

The twenty-second rolls around and Sicheng nearly forgets that it’s costume day until he walks in after his last class of the day and sees everyone in various states of undress. Ten has his dress on but can’t seem to figure out his wig, and Dejun is chilling on the couch laughing at the struggles of Yangyang, who can’t seem to figure out why there are fake boobs on his.

Sicheng slips in between them, grabs his stuff from the box, and heads back into his room. The dress goes on easily enough, but Sicheng has never been super flexible, so he can’t get the zipper more than halfway up. Whatever, there’s a wig as well, so he can try to get that on.

He goes to stand in front of the mirror and pulls on the wig cap, making sure none of his hair is visible. It’s not like Sicheng is some wig expert; he’s just heard Dejun rant about wigs at least twenty times, so he keeps that in mind as he puts the wig on. Sicheng doesn’t own any bobby pins so it’s not super well attached, but it’s honestly not a half-bad look. He thought he wouldn’t be able to pull off blond, but it really works.

There’s a knock on the door and Sicheng sighs. Someone is probably wanting to use his room for privacy or ask for help getting into their costume.

“Come in,” Sicheng calls. Kun steps in, still fully dressed with his costume in hand, but he pauses when he sees Sicheng.

“You look really good,” Kun says. “Don’t tell Dejun, but you could easily rival him in terms of looks.” The compliment catches Sicheng off guard and he stutters through his thank you. “Do you need any help?”

“Uhh, yeah I can’t reach the zipper all the way,” Sicheng replies and Kun sets his things on the bed before coming over to zip Sicheng’s costume. Now it clings to his chest and waist a lot more which normally would make Sicheng self-conscious, but it doesn’t look half bad. “Do you need anything?”

“Dejun is refusing to offer wig tips, so I came to see if you had figured it out or not. Literally, no one else can get theirs to lay right and while that’s funny, I’d rather look well put together than like a clown,” Kun explains. Sicheng honestly agrees with Kun on that note at least.

If Sicheng had to pick someone in the group he liked the most, he’d pick Kun. It’s not like they are best friends or anything, Kun is dating Yangyang so they are pretty much attached at the hip. He’s not too much to be around and lets Sicheng copy his notes from time to time.

“Okay, you’ll want to put the dress on first though because you might need to pull it on over your head,” Sicheng directs, and Kun nods. No one in their group cares about being half-naked around anyone else because it’s just guys being dudes, even if they’re all pretty gay, but Sicheng would feel weird if he were to watch Kun get undressed, so he turns around and looks out the window.

“Is that drawing new?” Kun asks and Sicheng tilts his head to see which one Kun is referring to. It’s a sketch of a character Sicheng likes from an anime, but he’s more surprised that Kun even noticed that it was new.

“Yeah, it is.” Sicheng turns away again and Kun finishes pulling the dress on.

“Can you zip me please?” Sicheng nods and zips up Kun’s dress. He pulls it off really well. “Okay, now onto this wig business. How do I start?”

“You need to pull the cap thing on and cover all of your hair and then put the wig on front-first,” Sicheng directs. Kun tries to follow Sicheng’s instructions, but he has to help him out and correct it. Once the wig is on, Kun takes a look in the mirror and smiles.

“Thanks for your help. Let’s go see if anyone else has figured it out yet,” Kun says, walking out of Sicheng’s room. Sicheng trails behind him, not surprised to see Yukhei, Yangyang, and Ten still struggling.

“Dejun go help them,” Kun pleads. “It’s embarrassing to see them like this.”

“That’s true, but I’m savoring it because now they understand just how hard it is to put on drag,” Dejun replies. He stands up and goes over to Ten first who has the right idea, only poor execution. Kun goes over to Yangyang and kisses him before straightening his wig.

Sicheng rolls his eyes and plops down on the couch. Yukhei is the one that caused this mess in the first place, so Nayeon can help him figure it out. She’s the only one lucky enough to not need a wig and is clearly very pleased by the decision to not wear one.

“You certainly clean up,” Kunhang says, sitting down next to Sicheng. His wig seems like it would be the most difficult, but he’s managed to keep it all nice.

“Thanks, you honestly fit Rapunzel more than I was expecting,” Sicheng replies.

“Aha!” Yukhei exclaims, drawing everyone’s attention to him. His wig is finally on, and while it isn’t the best, it’s certainly better than Yangyang’s which, despite Kun’s best efforts, cannot be fixed. “I’m now Queen Elsa.”

“You look amazing,” Nayeon comments, looking Yukhei up and down with a smile on her face. Sicheng has no idea what Nayeon gets out of seeing Yukhei in drag, but he hopes the tradition is kept up until Christmas. He would pay good money to see Yukhei try to do Santa Baby like from Mean Girls.

Sicheng’s attention shifts around the room, seeing everyone finally come together. This makes them look like an ensemble, and Nayeon clearly loves it all. She insists on taking their picture together and Sicheng forces himself to smile for the sake of the picture.

* * *

And finally, the night of Halloween arrives. There’s a chill in the air, leaves falling off trees and decorations on every building that doesn’t want to get egged. People take Halloween super seriously here, so either put up decorations or face rotten eggs. Sicheng doesn’t partake in said egg throwing, but he admires the want to get everyone in the mood.

Halloween  _ is _ a pretty cool holiday and despite the princess’s dress, Sicheng finds himself looking forward to the Halloween party. One of the frats is hosting the party and they were sure to announce to everyone with a heartbeat that they would be throwing the best party on campus.

Theta Chi, otherwise known as T Chi, is decked out to the max. Green and purple lights illuminate the outside with red and orange ones on the inside. There’s more cobwebs than house visible with fake spiders and other scary monsters throughout the front yard and in front of the house.

Sicheng trails behind his group of friends, waiting for someone to notice that they are all in drag. And it doesn’t take long; Jaehyun, dressed as Woody from Toy Story, drops his drink when he sees them.

“You guys look so cool!” Jaehyun shouts. Just one look at him and Sicheng already knows that he’s high out of his mind, but that doesn’t make his compliment any less nice.

Everyone drifts apart at this point. Some go to get drinks, some see friends they recognize, and Kun and Yangyang are already going upstairs. Sicheng is left alone and decides to explore T Chi before picking a spot to spend the evening.

The front room is all people chatting and drinks, so Sicheng slides through the crowd, careful not to bump into anyone with a drink that may stain his dress. Just because it isn’t something Sicheng would normally wear doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to take care of it. Who knows when dressing as Cinderella might be necessary?

Past all the people chatting is a hallway that leads to a green and purple room with a DJ and people dancing. If you can call grinding on people dancing that is. The DJ is none other than Johnny Suh, dressed as— honestly Sicheng has no idea what Johnny is wearing. He’s just wearing a toga and decided to call it a day, but whatever; Sicheng feels nauseous just looking at him, so he backs out of the room and heads into a different room. This one has only a few people in it, all talking amongst themselves, the music isn’t so loud and Sicheng sees a door to the outside, so he drifts between them and heads out.

The air is refreshing even though Sicheng has only been inside for a few minutes. Seeing Johnny made his chest tight and the night so much worse, and it’s been so long since he’s seen him, but everything from that night came right back as soon as he saw him. Tears burn in Sicheng’s eyes and sighs, crying over a boy isn’t how he wanted to spend this party. Fuck, how did Sicheng even plan to spend tonight? Hook up with someone? Drink until he’s sick?

Truthfully, he hasn’t thought about it. He knew he was coming because all his friends were coming, but in hindsight, that isn’t even a good reason. They all ditched him as he expected. And it’s not like he wants to third wheel the couples, but come on, there’s seven of them including Nayeon. How could none of them want to spend any time with Sicheng?

“Fuck,” Sicheng mutters. Suddenly it’s his freshman year again, he can’t take the pressure of school life and he’s thinking rash thoughts. Everything seems hopeless, so why not drop out of school or just fucking leave?

That’s how Sicheng had met Johnny; he had been so weak and didn’t have anyone else to rely on. He leaned on Johnny and Johnny took advantage of him, of what he didn’t know. And that’s why he hasn’t leaned on his new group at all. Granted, it’s not like they ever really tried to incorporate him for any reason other than ‘it’s a group activity.’

Sicheng sits down on the edge of a planter box in the yard. He’s honestly surprised T Chi grows plants, but gardening can be universal. Everything sucks. Sicheng places a gloved hand down and stares at it. On Halloween, anyone can be anything. An idea comes to mind, a way to finally make peace with everything. It won’t be that hard and it’s not like anyone knows it’s him in this costume.

It’s a rash decision, but it’s not Sicheng who’ll be on the short end of the stick at the very least. Sicheng takes a deep breath, wipes his tears, and walks back into the party. He ignores everyone and slips upstairs.

There are the sounds of people enjoying their Halloween that Sicheng tries to ignore. All he needs is something red and a mirror. Ideally lipstick, but this is frat, so what are the odds of that. Sicheng reaches the bedroom at the end of the hall, presses his ear to the door to make sure that there’s no one inside before walking in. He steps in and makes a beeline for the bathroom, finding a large mirror in front of him. Perfect. On the counter is a paint brush along with a gallon of fake blood.

Fake blood gets a message crystal clear every time.

So Sicheng tells the world what Johnny Suh did to him. He’s blunt and concise. Sometimes one sentence is enough to ruin someone. And that’s what Sicheng wants. He wants to ruin Johnny for fucking him up. The message stares back at him once he’s done and the good feeling disappears. Suddenly all he can feel is fear— fear of what Johnny would do in retribution for this. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Sicheng rubs at the fake blood with a towel, but it’s already dry and won’t even smudge.

Feeling close to tears again, Sicheng heads back into the main bedroom, looking for something to break the mirror with. If the mirror is broken, no one will ever be able to read it. Right, yeah, that makes perfect sense. Sicheng scans the room for a bat, a hammer, literally anything.

The only thing there is a gun. Sicheng isn’t a huge fan of guns, but he was taught the basics of shooting one as a kid which is weird, yes, but that was just normal for him. He opens the gun case finding a silencer with it. If no sound is going to be made, then it will be fine… He’s also wearing gloves so it’s not like there will be gunpowder on his hands.

So Sicheng picks up the gun and carries it into the bathroom. This could go wrong so easily, but he’s desperate and panicking. He double-checks that everything is secure before flicking off the safety and aiming the weapon at the mirror. Angling slightly towards the door seems like a good idea so the bullet won’t ricochet right back at him.

Except right at that moment, Johnny walks into the bathroom. Sicheng’s finger is on the trigger and the sound of the door opening causes him to turn that way, the gun firing off by accident.

Everything seems to happen in slow motion as the bullet flies towards Johnny’s skull, nailing him right above the ear and right of his eye. Brain matter and blood flies everywhere, mostly hitting the ceiling, though a few splatters land on Sicheng’s cheek.

There’s nothing for a moment, but then Johnny crumples to the ground. No scream of pain, no nothing. Just a thump against the tile. Sicheng doesn’t need to check Johnny’s pulse to know that he’s dead. No one can survive a close-range shot to the head— it just doesn’t happen.

Sicheng feels empty looking at Johnny’s bleeding body. There’s no internal acknowledgment that this is his fault, albeit accidentally. No sorrow for stealing away a life, but no joy in his abuser not being able to ever hurt him again. Sicheng passively realizes that he has to do something about this, but there’s lead in his veins.

Without looking away from Johnny, Sicheng cocks the gun again and shoots the mirror. Glass shards shoot out everywhere, some landing on Johnny, some nicking Sicheng, and others falling on the floor. Now to get rid of the body.

It’s when Sicheng goes to lift Johnny that panic fills him. He just fucking killed someone! Part of him feels like he’s going to be sick, another part feels faint, but he pushes that down; the desperation to not get caught is what he needs to fuel him, and Sicheng lets that take over.

The longer that he can prevent people from finding Johnny’s body the better. A little bit of his DNA is probably already here, but if both of their blood is here and they both are missing, maybe it’ll be believable that they both died.

Without thinking, Sicheng takes a large chunk of the glass and slices his bicep. Blood comes out and it hurts like a bitch, but it’s all for the best. He lets the blood get on as many places in the bathroom as he can and some on Johnny before wrapping the wound with the first aid kit from under the sink.

Sicheng steps over Johnny’s body, careful not to step in blood, and walks into the bedroom. He rips the sheets off the bed and takes them back to the bathroom, trying to use them to wrap Johnny like a mummy. It takes a few tries, Sicheng’s arm not making it any easier, but he gets it.

Johnny is heavy, but Sicheng grunts and lifts him up and out of the pool of blood, dropping him onto the floor before wrapping his feet. Now what does he do? Panic is starting to flood back in, clogging Sicheng’s ability to think. This wasn’t supposed to happen, but no one will care about that. They’ll see Johnny as some poor victim— when that’s not true. He needs to get out of this stupid fucking costume.

Sicheng casts a glance at the digital clock sitting next to the bed. It’s nearly midnight so there’s some joke to be made about Sicheng turning back into his normal self here like Cinderella, but he’s incapable of laughing right now. Back into the bathroom to look for a trash bag. Under the sink, Sicheng lucks out and finds one. He ditches the dress, stripping to his underwear and nothing else. He takes the bag back out into the bedroom and ties it off, setting it next to Johnny’s body. He keeps the gun close, deciding to stick it in his pants for now.

While dressing himself in completely new clothes from whoever’s room this is, Sicheng thinks of where to drop Johnny. There’s a nearby river which is always rushing this time of year. As a kid his mom would warn him not to fall in, or else he would drown and never be found. A pretty morbid thing to tell a child, but she’d better be right.

All Sicheng needs to do is get Johnny there and then disappear. He’s not attached to this place at all and he clearly isn’t happy. Time to move to the countryside, pick a new name, and become a fruit picker. It can’t be that hard to disappear.

Suddenly it hits Sicheng that it’s Halloween and everyone downstairs is drunk as fuck. He can get away with shit that on a normal day would freak everyone out. Looking out the window, Sicheng sees that the garden is right beneath this window. It’s only a second story and the outside of the house is covered in spiderwebs.

Logically, this is his best option. He drags Johnny over to the open window and lowers as much of him out the window as he can before dropping him, hoping to minimize the actual distance that he falls. Johnny lands with a soft thud and no one is even outside, so nothing happens. Sicheng waits one more fraction of a second before leaving the bedroom with the trash bag. Before he closes the door, he locks the door. That will buy him some more time before anyone even knows that there’s blood.

Sicheng ducks his head, pulls the cap on his head down lower, and walks right out the front door, trash bag in hand. He’ll dump the bloody dress in the river as well for good measure. Walking around the side, Sicheng doesn’t see anyone and sees Johnny laying there wrapped in his sheet.

It takes quite a bit of muscle, but Sicheng gets Johnny out of the dirt and through the back of the fence. He’s one step closer to freedom, but he still needs to get to the river without being spotted. Taking back streets and walking slowly end up being enough to not be spotted. Everyone is inside enjoying Halloween from their living rooms at this hour and Sicheng stands on the bridge overlooking the river and tilts Johnny’s body in without another thought.

He splashes in, but the current sends him down the stream easily. Sicheng unties the trash bag and drops it in. It doesn’t matter if the clothes come out or not, they just can’t get stuck on rocks on this section. Pushing back the clock, that’s all that matters. For good measure, Sicheng pulls the gun out of his pants and tosses it with as much as he has into the water. Once everything is out of sight, Sicheng starts walking away from the campus and away from his apartment. He doesn’t have a single destination in mind, only away from here.

Eventually, he ends up in a rougher part of town, looking up at a graffitied abandoned building. This is as good a place as any to spend the night. Sicheng walks inside the two-story building, hoping he won’t find anyone with malicious intent inside, but he also can’t bring himself to care. He’s halfway across the concrete floor when a light flicks on. Sicheng freezes.

“Who are you?” a voice asks. Sicheng turns around and looks up at a loft space. A boy about his age is staring down at him.

“I’m Sicheng.”

“I’m Renjun, but that isn’t the real answer I was looking for.”

“Well, that’s what you asked,” Sicheng counters. “But to answer the unasked question, I’m someone who has nowhere to stay tonight. I’ve had the worst night of my life and now I’m desperate for a place to rest.”

“Hang on,” Renjun says. He climbs down a set of stairs, coming down to Sicheng’s level. Sicheng has a few inches on him, but Renjun looks like he could easily knock Sicheng out. “Come with me.” Sicheng follows Renjun over to a metal sink and he turns the water, wetting a paper towel. “You can’t stay with me with blood on your face.” Renjun wipes Sicheng’s face with care, making sure every inch is free from dirt, grime, and guts.

“Oh, thank you,” Sicheng stutters out. “Seriously, thank you so—” Renjun holds up a hand.

“You look like you really do need somewhere to stay and you’re pretty, so you’re welcome here, but don’t make it weird, okay?” Sicheng nods. Renjun throws away the paper towel and climbs back up the stairs, Sicheng trailing hesitantly.

“What should I do?” Sicheng asks.

“Take off your shoes and then lay down. I have a second nest over there,” Renjun explains. Sicheng follows his finger to the end of the loft where two bean bags with blankets and pillows sit. Sicheng does as directed and climbs into bed. It’s nothing like his bed at home— his apartment, but that’s okay. Different is okay. Renjun flicks the light back off and climbs into the other one.

“Goodnight,” Sicheng mumbles.

“I can tell you’re not asleep,” Renjun whispers after about twenty minutes. “Look, being on your own is scary. You clearly have never spent a day on the streets in your life, so let me give you a quick summary of mine.” Renjun pauses for a moment. “I grew up here, but my family lost their house and we fell out. I ended up on my own at fourteen and have seen some shit. Eventually, I took over this place and started working in a twenty-four-hour mart down the street. Every night this man would come in and he was such a breath of fresh air— tall, handsome, and flirty. He goes to college here still and was my only source of joy for a long time. That friendship got me to try to apply to college to make something of myself. And it worked for a semester. Then I realized I wasn’t cut out for school and dropped out without saying goodbye. I haven’t seen him for nearly a year.”

“That sucks,” Sicheng replies. “I know that’s not enough to even describe— but I don’t know what words would be enough.”

“There aren’t any,” Renjun says solemnly. “So, what’s your story?” Sicheng sighs; he’s not about to confess to manslaughter right now, so he’ll skip over that.

“I had everything going well for me until I ran into the wrong people. They broke me in a way, and I haven’t been the same since. Tonight, I ran into them and it just made everything go wrong,” Sicheng explains, throat tight. He’s lying, but it’s also the first time he’s even come close to telling anyone about Johnny.

“That also sucks,” Renjun responds.

“Yeah.” The two of them are quiet for a moment, but conversation picks up again and they end up talking all night, Sicheng finally feeling valued. But before the sun could rise, Sicheng’s eyes sliding shut.

* * *

The next three months fly by. Renjun and Sicheng spend every day together, talking and learning more and more about each other. After Christmas, Sicheng started working with Renjun at the twenty-four-hour market, though he’ll only work the graveyard shift out of paranoia. There’s been not even a whiff of anything about Sicheng or Johnny’s deaths which is surprising considering all the blood that was left in the bathroom.

Renjun unintentionally helps Sicheng heal. He never learns the details of that night, but he shows Sicheng what it’s like to love. They fall in love. At least Sicheng does— he’s fallen so fast that he’s scared to say that he loves Renjun first.

Currently, Sicheng is behind the counter of the twenty-four-hour mart. Renjun agreed to sit in on the last bit of his shift and is just walked into the back to get something to drink. Someone walks in the door and Sicheng turns his head towards the door, expecting a normal person instead of seeing someone in a ski mask holding a gun.

“Empty the cash register,” the stranger demands, but Sicheng can’t move. His eyes are trained on the gun and all he can think about is Halloween night and Johnny’s brain, blowing against the wall. Suddenly the image changes to his brains blowing against the back wall of this rip-off 7/11. “Now or I’ll blow your brains out.”

Sicheng still can’t move. He doesn’t cry— he can’t. And the stranger jabs the gun at him again. Still nothing. The safety clicks and Sicheng wants to run, he wants to be away so badly, but he can’t move.

Renjun appears from the backroom without either the gunman or Sicheng noticing. He maces and stranger and unarms him. Sicheng can move again. He presses the silent alarm under the counter without thinking. Then he realizes who he is. Tears flow out without him thinking and Renjun turns his attention to Sicheng.

“Are you alright?” Renjun asks and Sicheng nods.

“I love you,” are the first words out of Sicheng’s mouth. He’s been aching to say them for so long and now having his life be nearly taken away, he knows he has to tell Renjun. “Even if you don’t love me, I love you so much and you deserve to know.”

“I love you too,” Renjun replies, looking shell shocked.

“Now, I just pushed the silent alarm, but I can’t be around cops. I will tell you why at home, but I need to go,” Sicheng rushes out and Renjun nods. “It involves Halloween.” Just saying that makes Renjun’s eyes widen.

“Of course, go. I’ll meet you there.”

Sicheng walks home, trying to pull himself together. He gets home in record time and curls into his nest. Everything is so overwhelming, unpleasant images playing behind his eyes over and over. But eventually, his crying ceases and numbness fills his chest.

“Sicheng?” Renjun calls. Sicheng doesn’t know how long he’s been laying there, but Renjun dashes to his side, hand pushing back Sicheng’s hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I’m so sorry that happened.”

“Renjun I have to tell you what happened on Halloween,” Sicheng says, sitting up. “It’s been eating me up inside for months to not tell you.”

“Okay, tell me.” Renjun sits down next to Sicheng and he sighs, scared to reveal such a secret part of himself.

“The people I got involved with was only one man— Johnny Suh.” Sicheng swallows. “On Halloween I accidentally killed him. I was trying to shoot a mirror, but he came in right as I was about to squeeze the trigger, and—” Sicheng’s words are choked off with a sob. Renjun hasn’t moved or said anything which makes fear fill Sicheng’s veins, but he refuses to be afraid because he loves Renjun so much.

“How could you?” Renjun mutters, sounding close to tears himself.

“It was an accident and I don’t know why he was even there, but he was, and I just shot him.” Sicheng wipes his nose on his sleeve, unable to stop crying. Renjun stands up and Sicheng looks at him, confusion filling him. He thought Renjun would understand.

“Johnny was the man that came to the store,” Renjun says. “You have exactly fifteen seconds to leave before I beat the shit out of you.”

“What?” Sicheng blurts out. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am.” The words are crisp and harsh, but Sicheng refuses to believe them.

“But it wasn’t my fault,” Sicheng protests.

“I don’t fucking care. Johnny saved me.” Renjun crosses his arms and taps his foot impatiently.

“He abused me.” Sicheng rubs his eyes and stands up. “He would beat me and tell me to die and that I didn’t matter. I don’t have memories from my freshman year that aren’t of him hurting me— how can this be the same person?”

“I don’t believe you, now I told you to leave.” The first punch comes like a shock to Sicheng’s system. He spits and touches at his cheek lightly. “Get out!” Renjun is screaming now, but Sicheng doesn’t want to give him up.

“Renjun please, I love you,” Sicheng sobs.

“No, you don’t,” Renjun shouts, voice echoing off the walls. He hits Sicheng again and Sicheng crumples to his knees. There’s no begging from him, he learned long ago that begging does nothing. “Leave!” Sicheng only cries. Renjun grabs him by the hair and tugs him up, pushing him towards the stairs.

If Sicheng goes down those stairs, he’s not coming back, so he pushes back and screams. He doesn’t push Renjun to hurt him, he pushes Renjun to protect himself. They’re right next to the rail and Sicheng wants to back away, but Renjun has a grip on his arm.

Renjun pushes Sicheng so his back is against the railing. Sicheng knows if he falls onto that concrete, he’ll almost certainly die, so he pushes Renjun as hard as he can, but he barely moves. They’re both crying and screaming, but it’s all unintelligible at this point. Sicheng only knows that he’s hurting and Renjun won’t stop, so he blindly shoves Renjun.

Again, things fall into slow motion. Renjun falls from the loft onto the floor. There’s so much blood. So much more than with Johnny and Sicheng sobs uncontrollably. His throat can’t let out all of his cries, half of them turning into hiccups. Why, why, why?

There’s no point to even try to hide Renjun. No one comes here to begin with, and besides their boss, no one will even look for him. It’s sad and causes a new wave of snot bubbles, tears, and screams to emerge from Sicheng. What’s even the point now? He has no one and no purpose anymore.

Something inside Sicheng calls him back to the river. He watches the water as he cries. It’s loud and surely obnoxious to anyone nearby with open windows, but he can’t stop. Part of him wants to jump in the water, but he doesn’t want to die. Despite it all, Sicheng very much still wants to live. But even the thought of living makes him feel guilty. Two people have died because of him and he still wants a future.

“Sicheng?” Sicheng’s brows furrow, turning away from the river, it can’t be…

“Kun?” Indeed, it is. Kun’s eyes widen and he practically tackles Sicheng in a hug.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re okay,” Kun gushes. “Everyone was so worried when you went missing.” Sicheng feels another round of guilt and cries even harder. Kun pulls back and looks at Sicheng. “Did I say something wrong? I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s not you,” Sicheng replies, trying to stop crying for the sake of Kun being able to understand him at the very least. “I’m a god-awful person, but I want a life again and it just—”

“Woah, woah, slow down.” Kun pets Sicheng’s hair and smiles at him. The smile is full of longing and pain, but he’s still smiling nonetheless. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“I killed Johnny on Halloween,” Sicheng admits, there’s no point in hiding anymore and if Kun hates him and pushes him in the river, then he had it coming. “He abused me as a freshman and then I saw him at the party and I went into one of the bedrooms to write what he did to me on a mirror, and I did, but I realized that he might hurt me as revenge so I tried to shoot the mirror, but he walked in right as I pulled the trigger—” Sicheng screams, the pain of reliving that night so many times on loop getting to him.

“You’re not an awful person for that,” Kun says. “It was an accident, and he abused you.” Sicheng looks at Kun, perplexed. “I might not have the most popular morals, but I really believe in them.”

“But that’s not all,” Sicheng protests. Why doesn’t Kun hate him?

“You can continue,” Kun encourages.

“I ran away and met Renjun,” Sicheng begins. Even saying his name brings more tears to Sicheng’s eyes. “Everything was great but tonight someone tried to rob the store where we work, and they had a gun—” Sicheng gasps and hiccups.

“Take your time.”

“And I was back on Halloween. I told Renjun the truth about Halloween and that I loved him.” Sicheng almost doesn’t want to tell Kun the last part, but he’s gotten this far already. “It turns out that Johnny was the one that saved him or whatever, so he freaked out on me and tried to shove me off the loft. He was so mad, and I tried to defend myself, but it didn’t work and he fell and he died.”

“Oh my god, Sicheng, I’m so sorry,” Kun says, crying himself. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

“What?” Kun pulls Sicheng in tighter and sobs. “But it was my fault…”

“It wasn’t.” Kun leans away to wipe his eyes. “What can I do to help you?”

“I can’t see any of your friends though,” Sicheng points out. “I’m on the run from the cops, remember?”

“They aren’t my friends anymore,” Kun starts. “Everyone copes with death differently and it caused the whole group to splinter apart. I broke up with Yangyang, graduated early, and am now lingering on campus without a purpose.”

“At least we have that in common.” Sicheng sniffles, looking at the ground for a moment. This whole night is some sort of surrealist hell at this point and Sicheng can’t tell if wants the night to end or keep going as some form of self-punishment.

“Would you like to come home with me?” Kun asks. “No pressure, but I don’t think you have a place to sleep.”

“Why are you helping me though?” Sicheng counters. “I get the moral thing, but is this pity or what?”

“I’ll admit there’s a bit of pity, but you’re my friend first of all.” Kun swallows. “I’m also willing to make healing you my purpose. Just for now. I need something to keep me going and you could be that.”

“So a mutually beneficial situation here?” Sicheng clarifies, hope filling his heart, and tears slowing.

“You need to get back on your feet, but in a new city where no one knows you and I need to leave the place I’ve been all my life.” When it’s put like that, it doesn’t sound so bad.

“Let’s disappear then.” 

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/occultclysms)   
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